And as you run, run, run, breaking your neck at a frantic pace, you are too busy to hear it.You rush about doing what it is that you do and living as you want as it grows steadily yet does nothing but entertains itself.
Slow yourself, heathen soul. Breathe. Listen.
He calls to you, wanting to have the relationship He intended, but you are unhappy and strained, living as you see fit. Do you not realize that He is all there is? In Him, we are complete.
In Him, there is everything worthy, everything good.
He has such plans for you if you would but take a moment to listen as He calls. He is what you need. Without Him, you are nothing.
Without Him, there is only sadness and failure.
He is electric and He is life. Your God that you have ignored is nothing but a blessing of love and happiness.
He knows your hearts desires. He knows what you crave.
Companionship, sweet love, success, happiness, joy, rest.
It's all there in Him if you will just slow to a step and relent that dictating control you hold so dear, that madness that needs to be resolved.
The time has come to cease everything that you are. Everything you have become is a reckless sideshow of selfishness and absurdity. Let Him take over and show you what amazing things you can do. Let Him show you what worlds He wishes you to conquer.
Slow to a crawl and be perfectly center in Him.
Friday, January 23, 2009
A Mother, A Wife, A Servant, A Saint
As her servant’s heart beats true, she is still.
She is of a purity and love that is rarely seen
She is of a purity and love that is rarely seen
but proven due to her forever willingness to serve others.
Always putting herself last, she allows those around her to thrive
and conquer as she supports and praises.
She is a teacher, a servant and a saint.
A restless love is confirmed over and over again
Always putting herself last, she allows those around her to thrive
and conquer as she supports and praises.
She is a teacher, a servant and a saint.
A restless love is confirmed over and over again
as she puts her own dreams and aspirations aside so that she may serve
those she loves to be all they are to be.
As she smiles and speaks with a passion
that is forever right below the surface,
she is the strong and able pillar her husband and children need.
A comforting word of encouragement
and a warm kiss are her weapons of choice.
She is all we in her life require
and all we are is owed to her.
She is a holy woman of God and she will be rewarded
those she loves to be all they are to be.
As she smiles and speaks with a passion
that is forever right below the surface,
she is the strong and able pillar her husband and children need.
A comforting word of encouragement
and a warm kiss are her weapons of choice.
She is all we in her life require
and all we are is owed to her.
She is a holy woman of God and she will be rewarded
for the selfless acts she is forever completing.
A mother and wife as there has never been witnessed before,
A mother and wife as there has never been witnessed before,
this woman so sweet and loving will be the reason
those she loves achieve such cosmic greatness and wonder.
Fallen in Love (An Ode to Goodbye)
Only again and again do they turn their backs and walk away.
Your heart tries to choke out a plea, a plea of forgiveness and love that is buried and unproven but it dies in your stricken throat.
As you are deserted for a happier less brazen soul, you only want that warm companionship that is eternally promised but is seemingly always out of your desperate reach. Your cold fingers claw and search for anyone or anything that will be still and allow you to rain your pitiful blows of desperation upon them, taking them in an unconditional love. None have withstood such crashing actions and with fair reasons. They stare in disbelief and shock at your demands in the name of love. So they say their sorrowful goodbyes with heavy worded sessions of regret and pain. You have chased another away. You have chased them all away.
As your madness drives them from you yet again, they all beat the dirty hot streets in a crowded tribute to your selfishness and raw, seeking love.
What is it that you desire? So many have laid bare their soul to you, providing a subtle love that was never good enough for such a sad heart, that was never sufficient for the coward that lies within your loveless soul.
They have been there for you. Many have reached out to you and asked you to love them back but they had asked too much from such a fickle being. Afraid to show your true self to any that stood tall in your presence, you have shied away again and again in such a childish and desperate attempt for attention.
Love and adoration could have been yours. Many have been willing. But they were never quite good enough for you and without a cause or reason. You now are the chaser.
They have deserted the futile mission for your stubborn hard heart. Too many mistakes and failures have driven them into a cold night that is simply warmer than the frigid clutch of your beggar’s soul.
You have failed. Compassion is not yours to bless.
So sit there in the punishing silence. Think upon such greatness that you have turned your melancholy gaze from. You are alone in your black days and dark nights unless that change of fair play is made. Until this is accomplished, selfish soul, you have fallen in love.
Your heart tries to choke out a plea, a plea of forgiveness and love that is buried and unproven but it dies in your stricken throat.
As you are deserted for a happier less brazen soul, you only want that warm companionship that is eternally promised but is seemingly always out of your desperate reach. Your cold fingers claw and search for anyone or anything that will be still and allow you to rain your pitiful blows of desperation upon them, taking them in an unconditional love. None have withstood such crashing actions and with fair reasons. They stare in disbelief and shock at your demands in the name of love. So they say their sorrowful goodbyes with heavy worded sessions of regret and pain. You have chased another away. You have chased them all away.
As your madness drives them from you yet again, they all beat the dirty hot streets in a crowded tribute to your selfishness and raw, seeking love.
What is it that you desire? So many have laid bare their soul to you, providing a subtle love that was never good enough for such a sad heart, that was never sufficient for the coward that lies within your loveless soul.
They have been there for you. Many have reached out to you and asked you to love them back but they had asked too much from such a fickle being. Afraid to show your true self to any that stood tall in your presence, you have shied away again and again in such a childish and desperate attempt for attention.
Love and adoration could have been yours. Many have been willing. But they were never quite good enough for you and without a cause or reason. You now are the chaser.
They have deserted the futile mission for your stubborn hard heart. Too many mistakes and failures have driven them into a cold night that is simply warmer than the frigid clutch of your beggar’s soul.
You have failed. Compassion is not yours to bless.
So sit there in the punishing silence. Think upon such greatness that you have turned your melancholy gaze from. You are alone in your black days and dark nights unless that change of fair play is made. Until this is accomplished, selfish soul, you have fallen in love.
The Prayer of a Selfish Soul
I have been everything except what I should. I have fought for my own way over Yours and I have done nothing but fallen short. I am here for the sole purpose of requesting Your mercy once again.
I have chased my own dreams and tried to burn my own way through the busted world to no avail. I have been a stubborn fool who only cares about what he can accomplish and who he can impress. I feel as though I am nothing but a jester of chance that it is completely unworthy of everything You are.
I have come to the broken realization that without You, I am nothing, my God. I need you in every part of my life. Without You directing my steps, I do nothing but wander the days and nights of a desperate world that is rife with disappointment and failure. But with You, there is joy and there is love. With You, I am everything I should be, everything I am capable of being.I have been a selfish soul and I am here, on my battered knees, whispering my hallelujahs and begging for a forgiveness from You that I am forever in need of.
Forgive me, sweet Lord. Make me what I need to be. Let my tattered heart burn for You as it should. I relent everything I am to You. I hand over every part of my withered life so that You may do with me as You see fit. Use me so that I may be proof to a dying world that there
is a God of mercy and unconquered love.
Clean my selfish soul. Take everything that is not of You and make me whole once again. I am here, God. I have made the final choice to quit my dashing about and be still in Your ever pure ways.
In Your perfect will, let it be so.
Amen
I have chased my own dreams and tried to burn my own way through the busted world to no avail. I have been a stubborn fool who only cares about what he can accomplish and who he can impress. I feel as though I am nothing but a jester of chance that it is completely unworthy of everything You are.
I have come to the broken realization that without You, I am nothing, my God. I need you in every part of my life. Without You directing my steps, I do nothing but wander the days and nights of a desperate world that is rife with disappointment and failure. But with You, there is joy and there is love. With You, I am everything I should be, everything I am capable of being.I have been a selfish soul and I am here, on my battered knees, whispering my hallelujahs and begging for a forgiveness from You that I am forever in need of.
Forgive me, sweet Lord. Make me what I need to be. Let my tattered heart burn for You as it should. I relent everything I am to You. I hand over every part of my withered life so that You may do with me as You see fit. Use me so that I may be proof to a dying world that there
is a God of mercy and unconquered love.
Clean my selfish soul. Take everything that is not of You and make me whole once again. I am here, God. I have made the final choice to quit my dashing about and be still in Your ever pure ways.
In Your perfect will, let it be so.
Amen
It Is Well With My Soul
I am Yours. My soul but rests in Your sweet escape and with You I am well.
Let the dim demons break my neck and bury me deep in the night for I know that You have taken me into Your love and through that I am given no harm.
Let the praise be heaped upon me so that I may shout that I am only conquered by Your will and all that I am is in tribute to You.
Allow my dreams to fall and my wishes to be left unfulfilled. I am at Your mercy and doubt does not reside to prove that You are not my Power.
Let my faith in You grow and be confirmed through the adversity that You see fit to cast my way. I rest my feeble bones in who You are.
Take it all from me. I have nothing but what You see fit to allow me to obtain. I am certain that my success, my failures, and my being are at Your mercy and I wouldn’t desire for any other way.
Make it so that my worries and fears blast through blue boroughs of the busted black night and crash by Your side where You may dispose of them and make my heart ever steady and strong in what You are.
I am at the whim of Your will and am upright in my desire to be what it is You have planned for my life.
Take me as you wish, my God. Use me and bruise me until I am nothing but weary and worn. Break me down to the soul and bone.
I am Yours. It is well with my soul…
Let the dim demons break my neck and bury me deep in the night for I know that You have taken me into Your love and through that I am given no harm.
Let the praise be heaped upon me so that I may shout that I am only conquered by Your will and all that I am is in tribute to You.
Allow my dreams to fall and my wishes to be left unfulfilled. I am at Your mercy and doubt does not reside to prove that You are not my Power.
Let my faith in You grow and be confirmed through the adversity that You see fit to cast my way. I rest my feeble bones in who You are.
Take it all from me. I have nothing but what You see fit to allow me to obtain. I am certain that my success, my failures, and my being are at Your mercy and I wouldn’t desire for any other way.
Make it so that my worries and fears blast through blue boroughs of the busted black night and crash by Your side where You may dispose of them and make my heart ever steady and strong in what You are.
I am at the whim of Your will and am upright in my desire to be what it is You have planned for my life.
Take me as you wish, my God. Use me and bruise me until I am nothing but weary and worn. Break me down to the soul and bone.
I am Yours. It is well with my soul…
And All That They Hold...
Love and its forms is the subject of many outlets. It is described as mesmerizing and enchanting, cruel and fleeting. Its praises have been sung and its disparaging effects have been felt by most all in one desperate way or another.
The confusing part of something so grand is the different angles and shapes that it takes in our everyday lives. I sit and think upon all the things I love and how each and every one is reserved its own special type of love and all that they hold.
I feel sweet love for my family and a happy and whole love for my daughter. I feel a deep and burning love for my lover and a clinging love for my words. I feel a low love for my past and a hopeful love for my future. I sing a love for the music and scribble my love for the literary works.
They all hold importance in my life. They each have their place of importance and I do their part in making me who I am, whoever that is. Slowly, I’ve begun to realize that all the things that I love most in my life are the things that are patient and understanding with me when I am at my lowest and deepest points. When my days are black, I know that who and what I love most will be forever by my side. This has brought me to a place of thankfulness in my life. I am appreciative of those that love me enough to stand by my side even as I wish to be left alone.
I find myself in love in so many ways with so many people, inspirations and things. In the past I have found it necessary to doubt the very existence love and all the things it holds but I have yielded to its wholeness and power. I owe my life to love and live to repay my debt in full.
The confusing part of something so grand is the different angles and shapes that it takes in our everyday lives. I sit and think upon all the things I love and how each and every one is reserved its own special type of love and all that they hold.
I feel sweet love for my family and a happy and whole love for my daughter. I feel a deep and burning love for my lover and a clinging love for my words. I feel a low love for my past and a hopeful love for my future. I sing a love for the music and scribble my love for the literary works.
They all hold importance in my life. They each have their place of importance and I do their part in making me who I am, whoever that is. Slowly, I’ve begun to realize that all the things that I love most in my life are the things that are patient and understanding with me when I am at my lowest and deepest points. When my days are black, I know that who and what I love most will be forever by my side. This has brought me to a place of thankfulness in my life. I am appreciative of those that love me enough to stand by my side even as I wish to be left alone.
I find myself in love in so many ways with so many people, inspirations and things. In the past I have found it necessary to doubt the very existence love and all the things it holds but I have yielded to its wholeness and power. I owe my life to love and live to repay my debt in full.
A Conversation At Depression
I have yet to decide what it is that you are. You seem to be my blessing and my curse. You are a reckless confusion to my ways.
I nod your way in acknowledgment when the praise is heaped. It seems that I am unable to do what it is that I do best unless you are by my side. Yet, when you are near, I am in the most unbearable pain. I wish to do nothing but be alone and feel the sorrow of an empty and broken heart. You blacken my days and scorch my nights. You take away my heartfelt smile and drown me in my own tears. I am chased away from the joy of caring for anything in my life because such decrepit thoughts enter my once strong and able mind. And yet…
When I feel you, I am at my lyrical best. The bottom truth of my heart is felt and a raw honesty is exposed when you are present. With your “help”, I have produced my best work. It is a comfort that frightens and excites me. I have quit trying to explain it all for it makes no logical sense.
How can something so deceitful and dark allow me to produce creative beauty with almost zero hesitation? Comprehending the mere idea of it all simply flusters me to a point beyond my usual temperament. As you come and go, seemingly as you please as I have yet to connect a reason to your “visits”, I try to decide if it is all worth it. Is my happiness worth some profound words on a page? Are the days and weeks of constant feelings of worthlessness and without cause worth being able to put words into an acceptable order?
It has been recommended to me many times over that medication be introduced or a professional consulted so that you may take your leave and never return. This idea has been rejected and tends to frighten me beyond where it should. What would I do without you? Who am I without you? Missing you, I am back to the disappointment I once was before discovering the pen, just a yuppie with no direction. When I have you, I seem to have a belief in my self that has eluded me thus far in life. In some fateful way, you have provided direction to my life.
You are my blessing and my curse. I find it difficult to live with you and impossible to live without you. Come or go…leave or stay. I am at your mercy until I decide to conquer you and the demons that accompany you at my every turn. I only beg that you tread easy. You have pushed me close to a mortal edge so many times and I have no desire for my life to be resolved any time soon. I have the promise within me and I aim to see my dreams come to truth.
I truly do not know what to do with or about you. I have a paralyzing fear whether you are here or you are gone. For some unknown reason, you have the control of what I am. I am at a loss. With you I am lost, without you I am desperate. So I sit and I wait, using you and the magic you provide for my own advantage until a resolution is produced.
I nod your way in acknowledgment when the praise is heaped. It seems that I am unable to do what it is that I do best unless you are by my side. Yet, when you are near, I am in the most unbearable pain. I wish to do nothing but be alone and feel the sorrow of an empty and broken heart. You blacken my days and scorch my nights. You take away my heartfelt smile and drown me in my own tears. I am chased away from the joy of caring for anything in my life because such decrepit thoughts enter my once strong and able mind. And yet…
When I feel you, I am at my lyrical best. The bottom truth of my heart is felt and a raw honesty is exposed when you are present. With your “help”, I have produced my best work. It is a comfort that frightens and excites me. I have quit trying to explain it all for it makes no logical sense.
How can something so deceitful and dark allow me to produce creative beauty with almost zero hesitation? Comprehending the mere idea of it all simply flusters me to a point beyond my usual temperament. As you come and go, seemingly as you please as I have yet to connect a reason to your “visits”, I try to decide if it is all worth it. Is my happiness worth some profound words on a page? Are the days and weeks of constant feelings of worthlessness and without cause worth being able to put words into an acceptable order?
It has been recommended to me many times over that medication be introduced or a professional consulted so that you may take your leave and never return. This idea has been rejected and tends to frighten me beyond where it should. What would I do without you? Who am I without you? Missing you, I am back to the disappointment I once was before discovering the pen, just a yuppie with no direction. When I have you, I seem to have a belief in my self that has eluded me thus far in life. In some fateful way, you have provided direction to my life.
You are my blessing and my curse. I find it difficult to live with you and impossible to live without you. Come or go…leave or stay. I am at your mercy until I decide to conquer you and the demons that accompany you at my every turn. I only beg that you tread easy. You have pushed me close to a mortal edge so many times and I have no desire for my life to be resolved any time soon. I have the promise within me and I aim to see my dreams come to truth.
I truly do not know what to do with or about you. I have a paralyzing fear whether you are here or you are gone. For some unknown reason, you have the control of what I am. I am at a loss. With you I am lost, without you I am desperate. So I sit and I wait, using you and the magic you provide for my own advantage until a resolution is produced.
A Crashing Soul's Plea
Once again my crashing soul weighs heavy. My bones are cold and ache for the warmth that follows truth. I wonder time over time why it is that I feel so alone, why is it that I have no share in my burden.
I listen as he wails on the lack of love and having no one to rely on but himself. The complacent thought, “A fool of a man…” floats through my mind.
Realization sets in as I discover I am the ballad being wept.
I fight for that frightening chill that comes from no one being around. I long for the heavy burn of carry my load in a lonesome and drifting way. I am alone in my quest due to having let none in. I trust so few and wish to complete my tasks with my stubborn heart not being budged. The current result is that of a lonely and depressed man.
To lean on another or to allow myself to ask a saint to share in my load holds the deliverance I seek. If I am to rid myself of this feeling of such emptiness and desperation, then I must learn to release. I must put down my stubborn gun and unclench my shaking fists.
I want to. I need to.
To survive, I must teach myself to go against every instinct that restricts me. I must learn to trust in Another. To do so will only assist in my constant battle against that black knight that seems to rage after my trepid soul without ceasing. I long for help and security.
I am finally at my weakest point. No longer strong and able to keep up the fight myself, I fall in a constant stumble. Tried and beaten, I want but to stay down and sleep. Yet to do so will bring only a conclusion that I am unready to yield.
I must mumble a request for help. To make it another night, I require the assistance of a helper and a Friend. The time has come to bend my bloodied knees and humbly request the blinding blessings that come from relying on You.
Here I am…I need Your help.
I listen as he wails on the lack of love and having no one to rely on but himself. The complacent thought, “A fool of a man…” floats through my mind.
Realization sets in as I discover I am the ballad being wept.
I fight for that frightening chill that comes from no one being around. I long for the heavy burn of carry my load in a lonesome and drifting way. I am alone in my quest due to having let none in. I trust so few and wish to complete my tasks with my stubborn heart not being budged. The current result is that of a lonely and depressed man.
To lean on another or to allow myself to ask a saint to share in my load holds the deliverance I seek. If I am to rid myself of this feeling of such emptiness and desperation, then I must learn to release. I must put down my stubborn gun and unclench my shaking fists.
I want to. I need to.
To survive, I must teach myself to go against every instinct that restricts me. I must learn to trust in Another. To do so will only assist in my constant battle against that black knight that seems to rage after my trepid soul without ceasing. I long for help and security.
I am finally at my weakest point. No longer strong and able to keep up the fight myself, I fall in a constant stumble. Tried and beaten, I want but to stay down and sleep. Yet to do so will bring only a conclusion that I am unready to yield.
I must mumble a request for help. To make it another night, I require the assistance of a helper and a Friend. The time has come to bend my bloodied knees and humbly request the blinding blessings that come from relying on You.
Here I am…I need Your help.
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